I felt like i ace my comm theory final. But the result is not as high as the sky only as high as my bed. Huhuhuhh whyyyyyyyy??????? T.T i studied like crazy for that class. I hate you Lemus and i blame you for this!! -_-‘
Envy
Have you ever envy someone and think how lucky they are until you get a heartburn? you know, you feel really hot inside without you notice it. I have. Especially these days.
im stuck here
im stuck here!!
most of my friends are graduated already! and im here, still stuck at CSUN as a junior. fuck life! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu i really am sad and i still have 5pages com group paper, 1 or 2 pages coms theory paper (or essay), 30 mins final presentation, and a freaking final test (which i have no clue about the materials at all.. T.T) and all due or happening on Saturday. WAL….
Dream
I dont usually remember my deeam but last night dream is one in a millio kinda thung. I dreamed that i work at a vey nice place full with people with beautiful heart. The owner is vey nice Nd the place is very calming. And then i walked to a store and they ghvw me the nemest iphone for free and in my hand i have this whute blacjberry that looks really new. I have a nice bag too. I walk through sawtelle blvd abd guess what i see… Snow. I am so happy to see snow i screamed woww sawtelle is snowing and started to play with the snow. Then i started thingking about my mom and dad. And i want to call them to say hi and to say that im really happy but then i realized i have to pay 35dollars and then i realized i am not in the us anymone. But in indonesia. And my sister is already home with my parent and im lost somewhere and i really want to go home so badly.
My one in a million dream. A wierd one that makes me happy and feel lonely.
I met this nice man today. A very kind guy and has a very good job. He make my day better. :-)
proud
i did some groupproject a few weeks ago and im so proud to be the part of this group.me and my group mates were doing this visit the elderly at the elderly homes and entertain them kind of thing. at first it wasn’t the best option we had but we think its one of a great way to get good grades and gives back to the community. plus, jonathan, our group leader used to do volunteer in this kind of event. which made us feel comfortable knowing at least one of us know or have the experience. i feel great when i participating in this even. it feels like i make at least one elder happy. you know the feeling you have after seeing someone smile or happy because of you. it makes you feel good or great. i really like it. this feeling that i haven’t get for awhile. and the best part, i made someone i never know of or you can say an elderly stranger smile and happy. its like double dose of happiness. i feel proud of this. so i want to thank my group mates and Jon, who make this even possible and make me feel good doing something again.
thankyou.thankyou.thankyou…
Cape
Semuanya naro harapan terlalu tinggi ke kita. Hidup rasanya cape bgt jadinya. Ini itu harus sempurna jangan sampe bikin setitik masalah. Apa bisa hidup begini terus? Cape, ga bisa terus begini. Hidup kok kayak kuda yang di pacu buat menang dan bisa di banggakan. Cape.
my complain about myself. (not interesting to read)
i wish i was born in a rich family. where i don’t have to worry about money and education. where i can do whatever whenever with whoever i want.
i just got an email from CSUN financial aid says that they made some changes to the rules for financial aid. i know something must be wrong here. i know its not gonna be a good news. they says that in order to get the aid i have to have grade of 8.0 or greater. im not a smart person i know that very well. i know i don’t get good grades, but you know what, i try to get those good grades. i have some problems with my financial. i have no money in the bank, need to pay rent, need to pay dental, need to pay insurance, phone, gas, and school. i haven’t pay that 700 i still owe from school. i have no money. even with this financial aid they provided i still need to pay 700. and now with this new rule, how much money do i have to pay them? i think they just want me to stop going to school.
why is life so hard? im just 21 and i have to work my ass off and get so tired of this world. do i have to die? so that people will hear me? those scholarship, do you think it will help? if you really want to give scholarship to people, give them those full scholarship. not just a few hundreds for their books. but whatever, i don’t think i will get those kind of scholarship. my grade is very low. if someone give me scholarship it prolly from someone i know. school or some institute probably wont give me their money to pay off my debt to school.
why cant i be normal asian kids going abroad to study? without the worries of how much money do i have, can i afford this food, can i afford to pay rent, can i go out with my friend. my only friends, deviate and indra just how many times i spend ging out with them? i think i can just count it with my fingers. i have to work, no time for friends. then i have to afford myself and my debts in this young age. just why do i have to do this? why?
i wish im one of those rich kids. so i don’t need to worry about what i have to do with my future. i can go to school fully without needs to work and make money just for the sake of paying school fee. i wish, oh god i wish……..
ps. im sorry for my parents that i have to say this. i truly believe its not your fault about me born not in rich family. this is just a thought. sorry mami papi nita ga maksut nita cuma stress aja.
stree
i am in a deep stress. too much things to be care about. school, work, money. my grades dropped since i entered university. i think my gpa is lower than 2 right now. last fall, i could get enough class to fulfill my units and my financial aid decided to cut my aid into half of that small amount. i mean, even with that full financial aid i still have to pay hundreds of dollars. then they cut my aid, now i have to pay thousands. i don’t have the money. im stressed out because of the economy is worsen right now and my working hours get cut by at least 60%. i think im going crazy. i make 300$ per 2 weeks and i have to pay 700 for school which i pay 500 before, my dental ( i think this is just scam to get money from people with no insurance) and rent. i don’t have the money and now i feel like crying and dying. i don’t want to go to school if i know it ended up like this. god sent me your tree of money. since you don’t need money you can just give it to me. i really need it. please.
semua orang pasti merasa lehilangan kalau seseorang atu benta kesayangan kita hilang. karna kita dari kecil memang diajarkan untuk menyayangi apa yang kepunyaan kita. apa yang haru kita jaga dan miliki dan apa yang harus kita hargai. minggu lalu, ibu nya Mila meninggal. rasa kehilangan paling besar dirasakan Mila. andaikan gue tau bagaimana caranya supaya bisa meringankan beban dia, gue pasti akan. kehilangan orang yang lo sayang pasti sakit dan berat dan gue sendiri pun ga akan pernah ngebayangin atau menghayal akan sesuatu yang seperti itu. bagai pungguk merindukan rembulan, kasih sayang mila gak akan terbalas ke nyokapnya sekarang. gue ga bisa berbuat apa pun buat mila. hanya bisa melihat dari jauh. mila, yang kuat ya teman.
